On Friday morning, the mobile vet is coming to our house to put Scout to sleep. Right now, she is resting in my car, parked in the cold garage. The car is the only place where she can escape the anxiety that turns her into a trembling mess more often than not these days.
Violet and I took her for a short walk today. We all enjoyed the cool, fresh, air and Scout's enthusiasm over going for a walk hasn't dampened despite her 15 years. She walked through deep puddles getting her underbelly wet and sniffed the recently revealed grass for signs of other dogs. She was so perky on the walk, in fact, I once again doubted whether or not euthenasia is the right decision right now. But when we got home, the panting and scratching and searching resumed right where it had left off. I know that the kind, responsible, choice is to let her go while there are still good moments. If I wait until she is constanly miserable, I will have waited too long.
So during the next few days, we'll take our walks. Violet will feed Scouty extra treats. We will enjoy the mild February weather outside as much as we can. I may buy Scout a Big Mac. Some extra ear scratches will definitely be in order. And then I'll cry for a long time while I say goodbye to my furry firstborn.